Where I Am Weak, You May Be Strong

I have been thinking lately about relationships—particularly the relationships that exist among pastors, elders, ministry leaders, and members within churches

I have been in the church all my life, and one thing I have learned is that wherever people gather consistently, there will eventually be conflict. The church is no exception.

We bring different personalities into the same space. We bring different experiences, expectations, backgrounds, preferences, standards, strengths, and weaknesses. And sometimes the challenge is not that any of those things are necessarily wrong. The challenge comes when my personal standard becomes the standard I expect everyone else to live by.

My preference becomes the preferred way.

My dislike becomes something everyone should dislike.

My way of doing something becomes the way it ought to be done.

And before long, a difference in personality or preference can become something much larger.

Sometimes We Just Want to Win

There is another side of this that I have been thinking about, and it requires some honest self-examination.

Sometimes our disagreements become tests of will.

I want my way. You want your way.

But because we are Christians, we may not say it quite that plainly. Instead, we can dress our positions in spiritual language. We find a biblical text, a theological argument, a church tradition, or some spiritual principle that supports our position.

And certainly, there are times when biblical principles must guide our decisions.

But if we are willing to look deeply enough within ourselves, sometimes underneath all the spiritual language is something much simpler:

I want to be right.

I want my position to prevail.

I want to win.

That realization requires humility because it is always easier to identify that tendency in someone else than it is to recognize it in ourselves.

Looking in the Mirror

Every pastor has strengths and weaknesses.

Every elder has strengths and weaknesses.

Every ministry leader has strengths and weaknesses.

Every church member has strengths and weaknesses.

And so do I.

Spiritual maturity requires me to recognize the weaknesses of others without forgetting my own. It requires me to look in the mirror before spending too much time looking through the window at someone else.

But I am beginning to think about this from another perspective.

Perhaps our differences are not always obstacles that need to be overcome.

Perhaps sometimes they are part of God's provision.

Where I am weak, you may be strong.

And where you are weak, I may be strong.

Perhaps God did not place us together because we are alike. Perhaps He placed us together because we need what He has placed in one another.

That changes the question.

Instead of asking, Why can't this person be more like me?

Perhaps I should ask, What has God placed in this person that I need?

And instead of criticizing an area where someone struggles, perhaps I should ask, Is this an area where my strength can help fill the gap?

From Competition to Complement

Healthy ministry should not require everyone to possess the same gifts, personality, temperament, or leadership style.

The apostle Paul reminds us that the body has many members, and every member does not have the same function. We belong to one another, and we need one another.

That means our differences can become complementary rather than competitive.

Where you are strong, help me.

Where I am strong, let me help you.

Where we disagree, let us communicate.

Where we misunderstand one another, let us listen.

Where patience is required, let us extend it.

And where our pride gets in the way, let us have enough humility to recognize it.

That kind of community does not happen automatically. It requires intentional spiritual formation.

Who Are We Becoming?

This may be the question I am wrestling with most.

We spend a great deal of time discussing what needs to be done.

What is the assignment?

Who is responsible?

When is the deadline?

Who is covering the program?

What problem needs to be solved?

All of those questions matter. Ministry requires organization, accountability, planning, and execution.

But I am becoming increasingly convinced that there is another question Christian leaders must continually ask:

Who are we becoming while we do the work?

We can accomplish assignments without becoming more patient.

We can run successful programs without becoming better listeners.

We can conduct meetings without becoming more humble.

We can lead ministries without becoming more gracious.

We can even accomplish good things for God without allowing God to accomplish the necessary work within us.

That is why spiritual formation matters.

The work God is doing in me must never become secondary to the work I am trying to do for Him.

A Different Kind of Leadership

I want to become the kind of leader who recognizes the strengths God has placed in other people.

I want to become secure enough to admit when someone else is stronger than I am in a particular area.

I want to become humble enough to receive their help.

And when God has given me strength in an area where someone else struggles, I want to use that strength not to expose their weakness, but to help carry the load.

That requires understanding.

Communication.

Patience.

Listening.

Grace.

And humility.

Perhaps that is one of the ways God forms us—not in isolation, but through the sometimes difficult experience of learning how to live, serve, disagree, forgive, and work alongside one another.

So this week, I am asking myself a simple question:

Am I spending more time noticing what others lack, or recognizing what God has placed within them?

Because where I am weak, you may be strong.

And where you are weak, I may be strong.

Maybe that is exactly why we need each other.